Every couple dreams of living a happy and passionate life when they get married. In fact, they will never get bored of having sex. However, almost 20% of couples do not become sexually close for long periods of time. There are many reasons for this situation. And there are many factors that trigger and affect this situation. If you are facing such a situation and you think you are in a sexless marriage, continue reading our article to learn more.
What Is Sexless Marriage?
A sexless marriage is a marriage in which there is little or no sexual activity between married couples. Many couples experience less sex or more sessions from time to time. Not every lesser sex situation is a sexless marriage. Despite the lack of a clear definition, most sexless marriage couples do not have sex for a year or more. Or very little sex during the year.
There are many reasons why a married couple may experience a sexless marriage. Whether or not there is a problem in a sexless marriage is usually up to the couple. But it could be due to different reasons. If there are problems such as lack of sexuality and physical intimacy, the underlying cause should be determined and a solution should be found for this.
Causes of Sexless Marriage?
The reasons for sexless marriage can vary, depending on health issues, lifestyle, and just about anything. Some of these reasons and the most common ones are as follows.
Sexless Marriage Due to Health Problem
A person may be absent from sexual desire due to a health problem such as physical, mental, libido or physical intimacy in general. Health problems and disability can physiologically reduce or impair sexual arousal in both sexes.
It is actually normal to have some problems with sexual function, but if these last longer than a few months and are causing problems with your partner, you can seek professional support. Professional doctors or psychologists are the best people to help you with this.
Sexless Marriage Due to Incompatible Libido Problem
Not everyone’s libido level is the same. And even there is no perfect partner for it. The desire for sex is an urge that increases or decreases depending on the person and his nature. Couples whose desire for sex does not match can expect to have sex when they feel tempted, but this rarely happens.
Sexless Marriage Due to Birth
According to the studies conducted by obstetricians, there is no clear time when it is possible to have sex after giving birth. But many experts recommend having sex after physical recovery. This healing process takes at least four to 6 weeks.
This time period is not called “Sexless Marriage”. Because the sexless marriage situation takes longer time. However, it is up to the person to feel ready for sexual intercourse and to prepare herself emotionally and mentally after this point. Factors such as the stress of caring for a baby, hormonal changes, fatigue and body changes can also affect a person’s libido. Therefore, it is important for the person to feel ready in this situation.
Sexless Marriage Due to Stress
Stress is a factor that affects not only libido but also almost the whole body. In extremely stressful situations, hormones can be affected and cause a decrease in libido. Stress can be caused by physical and psychological problems. Being tired, exhausted, and anxious due to stress can cause low libido and even a lack of energy. Depending on these reasons, the person may experience a decrease in sex drive.
Difficulty To Getting Erection
Difficulty maintaining an erection and staying firm can make it difficult to have sex for a variety of reasons. Difficulty getting an erection in medicine is called “Erectile Dysfunction” (ED). Erectile dysfunction is a common problem. And accordingly, problems can be observed in the anxiety level, self-confidence and self-esteem of the person. People who have trouble getting an erection should talk to a doctor because there may be an underlying health problem. Doctors are the best solution to help you solve this problem. In this way, you can get rid of the sexless marriage situation.
Low Sex Desire
Sometimes people may experience sexual reluctance. The medical name of sexual reluctance is HSDD. It is hypoactive sexual desire disorder. HDSS is a condition that both men and women can experience. Factors such as changes in menstrual cycles, childbirth or menopause in women can cause this situation to occur. Because of this situation, people can experience a sexless marriage situation. If you are faced with such a situation, you should talk to your doctor and get support.
Side Effects Due to Medication
Although drugs are the cure for our diseases, many drugs also have side effects. Some drugs can cause sexual dysfunction after use. Some of these drugs are antidepressants, high blood pressure medications, and decongestants. If you use drugs similar to this, you may be experiencing sexual dysfunction or sexual reluctance as a result. This may have caused your relationship to turn into a sexless marriage.
Mental Health Problems
If you are in depression, you may be experiencing a sexless marriage situation. Symptoms of depression are lack of energy, distraction, loss of pleasure, and depressed mood. In addition to these, different symptoms may occur. A person who is depressed may have less desire for sex and accordingly may not want to have sex for a long time. Professionals are the best way to get out of depression. If you are facing a similar situation and your marriage has evolved into a sexless marriage, you can get support from professionals.
Sexless Marriage Due to Trauma
The person may have moved away from sex due to previous traumatic events. If the person has been exposed to a situation such as sexual abuse or harassment, this can have a life-long effect. During sex, they may experience feelings such as embarrassment, fear and stress, and accordingly, they may want to stay away from sex. For these reasons, sexless marriage may occur.
Lack of Communication in the Relationship
If you are not close enough with your partner and you have difficulty communicating, this may affect your sexual activities. Studies show that couples who lack communication have less sex. This is because communication is actually the first step to sex. Couples with strong relationships are more passionate and desire each other more.
Therefore, communication is one of the most important elements for the intimacy of couples. The factors that cause the lack of communication are arguments, negative emotions, aggressive attitude, cheating, and many similar reasons. If you want to experience a strong relationship and good sex with your partner, this is one of the first steps you should take.
Sexless Marriage Due to Life Problems
Sometimes you can’t control life the way we want. And due to some factors, you may encounter annoying problems, which can negatively affect your sex life. The factors of sexless marriage due to life problems are as follows.
- Financial problems
- Age
- Aging
- changes in the body
- Tiredness
- Stress
What to Do in Case of Sexless Marriage?
If you’re in a Sexless Marriage situation, there’s actually more than one thing to do. Dealing with this situation is actually quite simple. Because whether you have low libido or a different problem, the underlying problem is actually about you and your partner. Therefore, what you really need to focus on is your relationship, not your problems. Now let’s take a look at what you should do in this situation.
Think Calmly
The first thing you should do in a sexless marriage situation is to sit calmly and think. If you are in such a situation, you should accept it and focus on finding the source of the problem. While considering this situation, stay away from comparing your marriage with other relationships.
Because every relationship has its own dynamics and therefore when evaluating this situation, focus only on your relationship. Once you are fully focused and find the source of the problem, you can begin to take action. If the problem is related to medications or health problems, you should talk to your doctor and ask for a solution. But if the problem is related to your relationship and mental problems, you can see what you need to do in the continuation of our article.
Strengthen Your Communication
Communication is the foundation of not only a marriage, but also of all relationships. For example, consider your friendships. If you couldn’t communicate with your best friend, would you still be best friends with them? Actually, the answer is very obvious, is it? Communication is the building blocks of all relationships. A healthy and strong communication will completely strengthen your whole relationship.
If you have difficulty communicating with your partner or cannot find a topic to talk about, you can consult your psychologist for support. It will help you learn how to talk to your partner while chatting and strengthen your communication.
When you start a conversation with your partner, keep the conversation positive and don’t blame each other. This will provide a better chat environment. The dynamics of every marriage is different, and plan together what you need to do as a couple in this situation.
Whatever you are missing, say it without judging each other. Tell each other your expectations, feelings, and wishes. This way, being honest with each other will make things easier and provide a safe environment. In this way, you will take a step towards a stronger relationship.
Get Closer to Each Other
If you want to get rid of the sexless marriage situation and make your marriage more dynamic as before, you should get closer to each other. If you want more sex, make a schedule for it. Yes, it may be more romantic for this situation to occur spontaneously as a natural flow, but in the current situation this is not possible. Therefore, it would be a better option to make a plan to take the first steps. It can also be very different, exciting and enjoyable than your expectations. A revival of your feelings of physical longing can add even more excitement to your sexual relationship.
Spend Time Together
Spending time together will both improve your sex life and make your relationship stronger and revitalized. Most of the couples in a sexless marriage situation are generally couples who do not spend time with each other and spend very little time together during the day. If you spend more time together, your feelings for each other will rekindle. And at the same time, your desire for each other will increase in parallel. If you don’t know what to do with your partner, you can have a conversation with your partner. You can talk to each other about things you want to do and come up with a plan for a fun day or week. Here are a few examples of activities you can do with your partner;
- Get a new hobby.
- Exercise or go for a walk together.
- Plan a vacation.
- Go to the movies together or have a nice movie night at home.
- Plan for a romantic and elegant dinner.
Try New Things in Your Bedroom
Another thing that can help improve your sexless marriage relationship is new activities in your bedroom. Trying new activities in your bedroom will make you an even more exciting experience. Talk to your partner about this. Talk about things you might enjoy doing together.
For example, you can make new positions or role-play with your partner. This will allow you to have a more enjoyable sex experience. You can visit our “The 10 Best Sex Positions in 2021” content to discover new sex positions. Or you can make your sex life more enjoyable with fantasies such as teacher – student or doctor – patient for role-play. Trying out such new sex activities will make things easier.
Professional Help
If you cannot or do not know the problem between you and your partner, it is best to seek professional help. Thanks to professionals, you can analyze your relationship better and make better choices to fix your relationship again.
If you have a medical condition that affects your sex life, your doctor will still be the right choice for this. You can talk to your doctor about your sex life and take steps to improve it. For example, you can improve your sexless marriage relationship with processes such as stress management techniques or medical treatment.
In addition to these, if you think that your sexless marriage situation is due to different problems rather than a medical condition, you can also apply to certified sex therapists. Sex therapists will enable you to take more correct steps for a quality sex life. It will encourage you step by step about sex and will help you reorganize your life with the right directions.
How Often Do Couples Have Sex On Average?
There is no well-defined sex mean for married couples. Many studies have observed that this varies according to individuals, ethnic origins and even cultures. If you want to have sex with your partner at the right rate, you can plan it. You should talk to your partner about this and come to a joint decision. In general, couples’ libidos are unequal. For this reason, each person’s desire for sex takes place in different time periods. Therefore, it would be better to make a joint decision and have sex on certain days of the week. In this way, you can slowly start to take steps to get rid of the sexless marriage situation.
How Long Does Sexless Marriage Last?
How long a sexless marriage can last is actually mostly proportional to the emotional bond between the couples. Generally, couples who have sexual intercourse are less likely to divorce. But a marriage isn’t just about sex dynamics. There are many factors that form and hold a marriage together. Many factors such as love, emotional bond, commitment and children are the factors that make the marriage last. But a sexless marriage is often quite difficult to sustain. However, it is very difficult to say how long a marriage will last.
Does Sexless Marriage Cause Divorce?
Although there are not many studies on sexless marriage, it is obvious that low sexual satisfaction and sexual frequency negatively affect the marital relationship. Of course, whether this will cause a divorce may vary depending on the emotional bond between the couples and other factors.
However, your partner’s sexual dissatisfaction may drive him or her into different pursuits or consider ending your relationship. In addition to these, arguments and resentment in your relationship will increase even more.
Therefore, if you are experiencing a sexless marriage situation, you should take steps to solve it and fix this problem. You can get professional support for this, or you can start trying by following the steps we mentioned in our article.
Does Sexless Marriage Justify Cheating?
When you get married, you make many promises to your spouse, and not cheating is one of them. This is not a valid reason for cheating on your spouse. On the contrary, this will cause things to get even worse. Not having sex with your partner is up to you and him. In this case, you should talk with your partner and focus on solving the problem.
You may even have left your partner alone when they needed you the most. Therefore, you should support your partner and understand him or her. If you want to have sex, it is the right choice to do it with your partner. A choice you make other than your partner may result in divorce. That’s why it’s best to focus on improving your relationship with your partner.
That’s all for now from the content of the “Sexless Marriage Guide” prepared by Victoria Milan for you! If you are looking for more content like this, you can visit Victoria Milan’s blog and stay tuned.
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FAQ About Sexless Marriage
When To Walk Away From Sexless Marriage?
The best time to walk away from sexless marriage is when you are sure that you are trying to solve all the problems. If you have tried to solve your problems with your partner and you have not found a solution for it, then you can walk away from your marriage. But if you haven’t tried to solve the problem before, try to solve the problems with your partner first.
How To Survive A Loveless Sexless Marriage?
The best way to get out of sexless marriage is to discover the underlying problem and take steps to resolve them. These steps are as follows.
- Think Calmly
- Strengthen Your Communication
- Get Closer to Each Other
- Spend Time Together
- Try New Things in Your Bedroom
- Get Professional Help
How To Survive A Sexless Marriage Without Cheating?
If you want to get rid of sexless marriage and save your marriage from this situation, you should first talk to your partner about this situation. Think and talk about the reasons for this situation. Speak openly and honestly without blaming each other. Otherwise, your solution-oriented speaking effort will turn into a discussion. Therefore, stay away from them. In addition, do not compare your marriage with that of other couples. The dynamics of every relationship are different. Likewise, their characters are different. Therefore, in your speech, you should focus only on your relationship and look for solutions for it. In addition, if the underlying cause of this problem needs medical help, you should contact your doctor and get support from your doctor. In addition to these, you can take steps to correct the sexless marriage situation by following the steps below.
- Think Calmly
- Strengthen Your Communication
- Get Closer to Each Other
- Spend Time Together
- Try New Things in Your Bedroom
- Get Professional Help
How To Talk To Your Husband About Sexless Marriage?
If you want to talk to your husband about sexless marriage, the first thing you need to do is think about the underlying problem. Next, prepare for a talk with your husband. And during the conversation, stay away from things that will judge your husband and cause you to argue. Point out that this conversation is for the good of your relationship and therefore you need to have an open and honest conversation. Talk together about what caused this situation and make a plan for its solution. And follow this plan step by step. At the same time, do not compare with other marriages while talking to your spouse during the conversation. This situation will both cause you to argue and will not allow you to find a solution. Because every relationship is different and the dynamic of every relationship is different. Therefore, focus on the dynamics in your relationship and take steps to solve it. If this problem requires medical intervention, you should talk to your doctor and get support for this. You can also get support from a relationship psychologist if you can’t manage the problems in your relationship and you want them to get better. If the problem is related to your sex life, certified sex therapists will provide you with the best help in this regard. It will list what you need to do step by step and will enable you to take more correct steps.
How A Sexless Marriage Affects A Woman?
Sexless marriage can affect a woman in many different ways. It can also vary according to the character of the person. Because every woman is different. Some women may see this as an opportunity and deceive you. Some women may be very upset in this situation and may not know what to do. So every woman’s reaction to this situation will be different. But having a sexless marriage for a long time often leads to divorce. Therefore, if you have been in a sexless marriage with your partner for a long time, you should take steps to correct this situation. To take these steps and learn what to do, you can visit our “Sexless Marriage Guide” and get more information.
